


Binge

by Rutree



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Eating Disorders, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, binge eating
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-24
Updated: 2017-03-24
Packaged: 2018-10-10 05:03:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,182
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10429746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rutree/pseuds/Rutree
Summary: He doesn’t exactly know how it came about, but it happened. Now everytime Josh left the house he would binge and he regrets it everytime, but he can’t stop.He needs Josh.





	

It had all been going so well a week ago. Tyler went to the gym three times a week, ate two pieces of fruit a day, kept track of how much he ate –not obessively, just made sure it was enough and not too much. Josh supported him in all he did, said he was proud of him and welcomed him with big hugs when Tyler came back in the morning from an early-bird workout. Tyler could see the results and it made him more confident, living healthy made him genuinely happy. And now he fucked up. 

He doesn’t exactly know how it came about, but it happened. Now he was lying in bed watching some stupid movie whilst munching away a can of crisps, two bars of chocolate and a bag of sweets. And oh he knows he will regret this so much afterwards, he feels a pinch of regret already after every bite. But he can’t stop.

He has always been in some sort of cycle. Being healthy for about three weeks and then an off week in which he would visit the gym sporadically and eat less healthy after which he picked up his gym plan again and would be fine for another three weeks. The cheating days weren’t that bad, it was well deserved and because of all the hard work his body would just dispose of the fat almost instantly.

However, now he feels like he is stuck in this one and cant get out. He isn’t sure how it really started and what difffered from his normal cheat days. Maybe he hadn’t wanted to let Josh know he was on one of his cheat days in the beginning, afraid of being judged. Now whenever Josh said he would go out, Tyler’s first reaction was being excited. He would be able to snack without Josh noticing. When Josh had left the house Tyler would browse through the cupboards, the fridge, the freezer and if there was nothing he would make some mugcake from scratch and eat everything before Josh came back and would get cought.

He had kept the facade up to Josh, kept the packages hidden. Disposed of them when he went on another secret trip to the store or stuffed them deep in the trashcan covered by the rest of the trash. They weren’t his proudest moments, but they ironically held the most adrenalin.

Tyler realises he has zoned out as the credits roll over the screen, he wasn’t paying much attention anyway. He looks at all the empty packages and notices his stomach is aching and he feels nauseous as well. He has to stop. It makes him unhappy and above of all he feels like he’s betraying Josh because he hides it behind his back and Josh still encourages him with compliments. If it wasn’t for the food, he was sure his behaviour would make him sick. He needs to stop. 

He wants to stop.

Tyler stands up and walks to the livingroom, regretting everything with every step he takes. He sits down on the couch to wait for Josh to get home, when he breaks down. All the guilt from the past couple of days, the frustration, the self-hatred. It all comes out now.

Tyler’s sits crying with his knees pulled up to his chest, hiding his face away whilst repeating what he’s going to tell to Josh over and over again in his head. It repeats like a mantra, like it’s the only thing that prevents him from slipping into oblivion. He is so in his own head, he doesn’t hear the door being unlocked and doesn’t notice Josh’s presence until-

“Ty?”

Tyler’s head shoots up from his knees and sees the beautiful dark eyes full of concern looking at him. They are breathtaking and hold so much calmness, Tyler forgets everything for a moment. He can’t even remember what he needed to tell Josh so badly, until everything comes crashing back on him and he starts to sob again. 

“Hey, hey,” Josh says as he sits down on the couch besides Tyler, to which Tyler responds with even louder sobs.

Josh puts his arm around Tyler’s shoulders and presses Tyler’s head on his shoulder, to which Tyler snuggles himself into Josh’s side. Josh runs his hand along Tyler’s arm to which Tyler’s sobs slowly subside.

“Oh Ty, what’s on your mind?” Josh asks. Still unable to form coherent sentences, Tyler stays quiet and snuggled up.

“Do you want me to know?”

Nod

“Do you want to tell me?”

Nod

“Do you feel like you’re able to tell me?”

Nothing

“Can you show it to me?”

Nod 

Josh stays silent for which Tyler is grateful. Josh keeps running his hand along his side, waiting patiently for Tyler until he’s ready for which Tyler is even more grateful. With Josh by his side the chaos in his mind had turned into a fuzzy buzzing feeling, in combination with the crying his mind feels like it was full of clouds. He knows he has to get through this.

Tyler loosens himself from Josh, stands up and holds his hand out. Josh hesitantly takes his offer and stands up, making sure Tyler is really okay with it, not wanting to rush.

Tyler leads him out of the living room, into the hallway, up to the bedroom door where he comes to a halt. Tyler turns to Josh, eyes closed and lets out a shallow breath. He opens his eyes to look Josh into the eyes for some courage and nods, after which he turns back to the door, opens it and enters. 

Josh follows closely, looking from Tyler to the unmade bed full of packaging trash.

“Ty?” Josh asks with a puzzled look. “What’s going on?”

Tyler looks up, his expression falters and tears well up in his eyes again, to which Josh pulls him in a hug immediately.

 

“I-I’m so bad, Josh.” Tyler stammers out. “I-I’ve been lying to you Josh. I haven’t been h-honest with you.” He utters between sobs. “I’m not healthy. I eat too much. I don’t want it. I don’t need it, but I still do it because I crave it.” He continues. “Everytime you leave the house I stuff my face full with fat and sugar, just so you don’t see it. And I hate myself for it. I’m lying to you. You don’t have a sincere view of me, I’m deceiving you and I want it to stop. I need it to stop. But I can’t do it alone. I need help. I need _your_ help. Please. I’m so, so sorry I’ve been lying to you, but please help me.”

“Oh Ty, ofcourse I’ll help you.” Josh says with teary eyes. “You’re not bad. Please, believe me when I say I understand it, all of it. Really. I’ll help you, I promise.”

“But more important,” Josh continues as he embraces Tyler even tighter. “I love you.”

“I love you more than anything in this entire world and this doesn’t change a thing about it. I’ll help you.”

**Author's Note:**

> Feeling a bit down the past couple of weeks, some things didn't work out as I think they would. Luckily some awesome things happened as well. 
> 
> It'll be okay.
> 
> Stay.
> 
> <3


End file.
